its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
