I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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