Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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