Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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