Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
