i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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