His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
