I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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