If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
