so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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