I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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