the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
