I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
