I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
