Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
