Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
