Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
