dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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