remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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