I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
