I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
