Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
home. puking in laundry basket.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
