guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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