recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Panties = found
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