I hate your face
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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