I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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