Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
