mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
