Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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