A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
