I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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