Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
