if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
