When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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