Porn is love you can see.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
