Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
