HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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