I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
