Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
