How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
