I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
