Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
