let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
