I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
