the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
