So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
