Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They took my balls.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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