Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize