Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
