I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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