Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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