I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
