If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
