I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize