Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
