He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's the barista slut.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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