i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
