you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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