What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
