And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just tell him i said nine months
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
