Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am available for nakedness
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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