oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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