toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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