Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit