I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm too high and old for this...