the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.