I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER