My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.