Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.