I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.