I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
