My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?