Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.