A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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