We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?