Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
