so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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