a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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