I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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