How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
