I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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