i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
