Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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