well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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