Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
