you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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