My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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