Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
